So, it's been a while. I haven't meant to leave it so long, but life has well and truly got in the way.
Since I last posted, I have completed my paramedic course and been on placement in hospital to hone my novice skills of sticking big needles in people and plastic tubes in their throats before a surgoen does terrible things to their bodies.
It has in many ways been a welcome distraction and also a relief to get through what has been one of the toughest times of my life. On the plus side, I have come out the other end and feel a lot stronger and better equipped to deal with whatever else fate wants to dump on me!
The ex and I are getting on well, and it can only be described as an amicable split. We are both happier people and have managed to keep the children as our priority. Protecting them and easing them through the confusion and pain has been hard but I think we have done a very good job. Now it is about ensuring we maintain a healthy environment for them. The kids have even commented on how we are both much happier, which speaks volumes about how bad it must have got, especially towards the end. We have shown them we are friends and also that nothing has changed in terms of our love for them. The support from our families has been immense, with no one taking sides, just providing normality and love to them and to us. When I look at how some of my friends and colleagues have been through hell after splits, especially the effects on their children, I really do count my blessings.
Now the dust has settled, I am beginning to see how things can work. I am taking big strides towards finding some much needed balance, starting with finding a place to live. Happily I will be moving into a flat later in the month. To no longer be sofa surfing, living out of a suitcase and travelling miles and miles each week, I will have a place of my own, a bed of my own and a place to just kick back and chill out. It is quite exciting having a new chapter start and who knows what is around the corner? I am starting to enjoy life again and doing the things I haven't done for a while. Just seeing old friends, planning trips abroad and getting to know who the real Th'Idiot is. I think both my ex and I had hidden our real personalities under the weight of unhappiness and stress. It is nice to be able to breathe again, to recognise myself and to start realising some ambitions.
There is still a great sadness at the break up of our family, but the positives are outweighing the negatives and I can see that things will be alright. There are still bad days of course, but they are getting fewer and far between. Th'Idiot is still an idiot, but he is a happier idiot and getting better with each week.
